Good results mean nothing for me when my health condition is worsening. Alhamdulillah my grade is getting better but what about the other? Health? Happiness? This is not what I want but I am sure that this could make mum and dad happy. Nothing else matters.

Numbers and I just can't get along. I can't stay focus longer than 30 minutes. That is why I spent most of the time doodling random things on my notebook. Staring to numbers make me sick.

Oh please dear self, don't get mad easily. Not everyone could think the way you do. And that is not a good reason for you to get mad. Be patient. Everything will be okay..

So yesterday was the worst day I guess. Everyone knows that I am the one who won't cry in public but I did cry. The ache was unbearable, my head feels like going to explode. I closed my eyes with my hands throughout the lecture hour. I didn't want to see any light. Its killing me. Its okay because I'm used to it but I didn't expect its going to happen in public. I wish abah was there to give me massages. :(

To be honest, I never call my parents if I'm not feeling well. I don't want to burden them with my sickness. I want to prove them that I am okay to live alone. I don't want them to worry about me. But a mother's instict was amazing. She called me when I just woke up and hear my voice. I can tell no lie. Her voice changes once I told her that my head hurts. And that makes me feel so sad. I'm sorry...

Pretending to be happy is the best way to cover up my actual feelings. The ache never stop and I don't even know why. But thanks God it is not that bad. Get well soon dear self! Keep on fighting.