Sometimes, I stop myself from writing because I don't want to end up writing about shitty feelings of mine. Because most of the time I just hold on and keep trying to swim eventhough I feel like I almost drown. I feel suffocated.

I guess I still cannot let go of my temporary attachment. Dude it's hard but I will never stop trying. The fear don't want to go away but I'm trying to push it away. I might not be the best but I will try my best.

Before this my biggest fear was to be left behind behind the one I love but now not anymore. Now I am afraid of my own self. I am afraid that I will never be able to be someone better. I am afraid that because of my shitty attitude, people around me will walk away. Because sometimes, I can be bad without me realizing it. It is when I lose control. 

I know He is always by my side but I am so sorry that sometimes I lose my grip. I am sorry that sometimes I stumble and almost falls down. I am so sorry. 

Well, I'm sorry to you readers that you have to read this post. But I somehow find peace when I spill my thoughts out through my writing. Alhamdulillah.

-I spent today doing nothing productive. Blerghhh

-but I have to always put my trust in Him and #DoakanYangTerbaik

-I will do something better tomorrow I promise, dear self.