Depression, heartbreaks, anger.. Those are things I have to go through while growing up. I learnt to live on my own, I learnt to think that, I am born to be alone. And that is how I appear to the world, the brave, bold girl.

I used to think that friends are everything. Yes, they were to be honest. I spent my whole day with them, we laughed together and even cry together. Everytime I was dealing with heartbreaks, they are always there. And that makes me think that I don't need a special boyfriend, because I have them.

But--

After some point, I realized that friends could break hearts more than other people could ever do.

Ahh, I'm talking bullshit again okay nevermind.

I am now going to talk about heart. Yeap, lets clear this up, I want to talk about feelings. Feelings that change,

Now can anyone tell me about feeling, that never change, at all? Nope I guess, feelings do change, eventually. Why? Because most of us think that we are the one who is able to control the feelings we have. Need an example? Here we go.

You did your best and treat people nicely, hoping that they will do the same in return. But no, there will always be certain people who still hate you and think that youre the worst person in the world.

Or maybe you have a lover, that youre willing to marry one day, someday. You did your best to make sure that he or she will be yours.

And you, and me too, sometimes forgot about the one who control the universe, who control the hearts.

"Kun Faya Kun.."

The hearts youre trying to win are all His.

" Kalau tak sayang diri sendiri macam mana nak sayang orang lain? Sebab orang yang nak beri kasih sayang dekat orang lain kena ada kasih sayang yang penuh dulu baru boleh bagi kat orang lain."

Thats what I got from a talk on TV, and that somehow reminds me of him. He was right.
"fight for yourself."

and yes, I will.