Everything is going to be okay. Don't worry you will be alright bla bla bla blergh I just hate those kind of words. Stop being positive. You don't even know what I am going through so please, shut up. Its not that I hate all the positive vibes but yeah, I don't really like it. No don't, don't ask me about my health condition. I'll get mad without you knowing it. I get mad easily if anyone ask me "are you okay?" Even if its my parent. I just hate that kind of attention. I am always feeling good. I am strong and I can stand by myself.

A friend once said that one of the reason why I stay single for a long period is because I am too choosy. And I keep pushing people away.

Hm choosy you said? Remember the last time I fell in love? Yes, with a footballer. "Hoi what happened?! Where's all the rugger in your campus? Do they exist? Hahaha!" And all friends there laughed, knowing the truth. See? If I am choosy then I will only date ruggers. I guess everyone knows how addicted I am to rugby. How I admire rugby players. But why I choose a footballer? No, I didn't choose him. The feelings just came naturally without me noticing it.

Well, but I the part you said that I keep pushing people away is true. I don't even know why but I just love being alone. Maybe I seem friendly or I hang out a lot but once I'm home I really need to be alone. No texting, no chit chatting. I will isolate myself from people. And to be honest, here in college, I like stay in room with strangers rather than with close friends. Why? Because if my roomate is my close friends, I might feel like they're bothering me just by keep talking to me. I need times for myself.