When all the world is spinning ‘round 
Like a red balloon way up in the clouds 
And my feet will not stay on the ground
You anchor me back down 

I am nearly world renowned 
As a restless soul who always skips town 
But I look for you to come around
And anchor me back down 

There are those who think that I’m strange
They would box me up and tell me to change
But you hold me close and softly say
That you wouldn’t have me any other way 

When people pin me as a clown
You behave as though I’m wearing a crown
When I’m lost I feel so very found
When you anchor me back down 

I am now all alone. I have no idea where everyone go and I dont care. Jyeah finally I can have my time alone so now what should I do? Continue watching those movies? Or grab some books to read? I dont know.

To be honest I dont always dream. Uhm I mean the dreaming dream.. That dream you have when you fall asleep. I rarely have that because usually when I fall asleep I will turn out being a log. But I dreamt of you last night. Yep, again. And that makes me miss you even more. Theres nothing I can do about it instead of write it up here.

Since I am all alone right now I will be the only one who is able to control my emotions, my thoughts. Yeay I am neither happy nor sad. I refuse to have any emotion right now and I'm loving it.

Its 31st August today which means its Malaysia Independance Day! Thanks God I dont have to join any performance this year because yeah, I hate crowd. I would rather curled up in my blanket and read books, watch some movies and bla bla bla.

Its funny when people are so excited about this day like seriously? Come on guys its just a date. A date that blinds people like you to think that jyeah! Kita merdeka! Malaysia dah bebas!

Do you think thats awesome when the way you celebrate today by spending your midnight watching fireworks, having fun with you mates. Trust me you look like monkeys when you get too excited. Whoops sorry Im nobody to judge.

Why dont you think on how to make our country a better country. Lets not to think about how to built gigantic building first. Lets not to think about how to  design cool vehicle first.. Lets think about.. Something.. Basic.. Your manner..

So I just finished Tapped Out and guess what. I miss fighting in the ring. I miss those days spent in the gym. I miss kicking people right on their face, legally. Haha but this is not about how I spread my anger, not about violence but about  what I remember, no matter how many bruises I got, now many times I got my ankle sprained, it wasn’t that hurt much compare to when I am fighting to my own self, my own thought, my own emotion. I can’t recall when was the last time I feel the victory. I almost forget how it feels to have someone being so proud of me. I forgot when was the last time I didn’t make someone disappointed of me. Just look at me now. I am a total loser. I am good at nothing. I am useless. 

How could I feel this tired? I can feel aches all over my body. They told me its because I sleep too much. Did I? Is it my mistake tho okay now tell me whats your suggestions. Tell me whats the best cure of a massive headache other than sleep until the pain is gone. Tell me. Tell me. Okay nevermind I know you have zero idea about whats going on because the only thing you do is study. Whops sorry okay I will stop complaining.

Haaaaa I'm sorry but I can't stop posting things online this is just too hard. I somehow really need someone to talk to, about something that I cant talk to anyone around me and by doing this, I consider as I am talking to myself.  It is sometimes good although I cant deny that I still need another person to listen. Its okay though. I cant make people stay by my side forever cause I know how boring I am. I dont know how to entertain people and I kill the conversation almost all the times.

Well lately I am going through really hard time with all the works coming in non stop, and all the problems I need to think of, I made a decision to keep a distance between me and any other person around. I just need a rest. But to be honest, I always waiting for you (you know who you are) to ask about what is going on bla bla bla cause you know, I love to share stories and when I say I need some space and dont wanna talk to anyone, youre my only exception. Eh no and umi too. Its sad that you both seems so busy and I rarely can talk to you. :( So this is my solution, I can just talk to myself muahaha.

I am improving myself and still waiting for the right time to come although waiting is so hardddddd sobs but want you to know that my feelings towards you never change. Okay? Nyahaha awak dah makan?

Geeeee I miss the joke.

Wait, did I just skip. My. Dinner?

Haaaaaaaa lapiaq okay bye assalamualaikum.

So ive got a very, very unexpected answer from mum when I told her about my friends getting married.

Me: Umiii Nabihah nok kawen doh mi..
Umi: Wahhh bahagianyeee mok diaaa
Me: Hahh? Bakpe pulok?
Umi: Yelaaa nok dapat menantu bahagia la
Me: Hahahahha yelaaa tapi umur baru 20 mi awal ngat tuu
Umi: Doh tu dia wak mende leni?
Me: Study lagi tapi ye kawen jee
Umi: Doh kak irah wak la gitu gok.. Hehehe
Me: Hahhhh?? Doh mi cari la sorang
Umi: Ehh dia ni cari ah sdiri. Tu kat blajor tu dokkan tadok orang nok? Ke jual mahal? Hahaha
Me: Sape la nok ke kite ni.. 
Umi: Laaa doh kalu gitu cari laa. Umi dok kisoh hok gane pun. Bia tadok pitih pun asal smayang dok tinggal...
Me: Hahahhahahahhaha ok umi bye assalamualaikum.

Huarghgskqbjqbskqvshahahahha I just cant believe this I didnt know Umi wants me to get married this bad lol I thought she's gonna say "jangan gatal nok kawen awal awal blajo dulu sapa abih!!" because thats what she used to say when one of my 20 years old was engaged last year. Whats shes thinking actually? Hahhaha kalau umi betul betul carikan habis la habis laaaaaa my life is gonna come to an end! Haha

All I want to do now is lay on my bed
Read my favourite books or watch some movies
And sink
Sink in the world I made by myself
Because reality hits me so hard
And it hurts
I am too tired to face the real world
I need a sweet escape
Or a short getaway
Umi.. Abah..
I am sorry for the mess I have made
I am sorry for not being able to stand alone
I am sorry I lost my track
I am sorry I drift too far
I am sorry I am too weak
I am sorry I am fragile

So Im gonna stop rambling about things on social networks. I uninstalled wechat and twitter because I think those are the reason why I became more melancholic and made my sadness become so addictive. I need to stop telling the world about how I feel. I am gonna stop writing online.