To be honest I am the one who is way far from your expectation. I am not strong as you think I am, I am not the one who you think I am. I lied a lot to myself.

"Ahh kau Chii takpe. Repeat paper banyak mana pun kau mampu bertahan. Kau kuat." My friend told me the time I tell her about my life in uni. But nobody know how my heart breaks everytime I got my results. How many times and how I regret waking up in the morning because my life is totally sucks!

"Allah always has a better plan."
"Think of why you started."

And here I am standing still. Using all my strengh to fight the negative vibes, trying so hard to give my best smile, to show the world that this is me, Shahirah Azman, the strongest, bold and brave girl. Such a great liar. I think I deserve a medal. Haha

Well I actually still can't move on. I can't live about my old buddies. I still thinking about how amazing it is if they are here with me, enjoying every single moments together. I want to be friends with everyone without falling in love because love sucks. I want a good "brotherhood". I miss spending an evening at the beach. I miss spending a night at room 2 playing DoTA and end up sleeping. I miss fighting about our favourite rugby teams. I miss having brothers who I could talk about everything. I miss having brothers who got mad when I have my heart broken. I miss my bestfriends.

But everyone changes. I am not anymore their only girl. And I am now a grown up girl, it feels so awkward to be the only lady among a group of gentleman. Blergh.